Call of Darkness

Awsome story I can't what to see it when it's finished. If you get it published I'll get it and read it all and show it off.

Chapter 5


Strangely, I couldn’t hear the demons anymore. I opened my eyes, and flinched in surprise. I wasn’t in a warehouse anymore, I was in a cave. A stone cave. A dark stone cave. What the…? How the hell did I get here?

I looked down at my hands, my arms, and then the rest of myself. As far as I could tell, I was still in one piece. I was also still on earth. So how did I end up in this cave?

The man’s words echoed in my mind. You are a black dragon. Was he really telling the truth? If he was, it would explain a lot. But, still, a black dragon? How could that happen? I was human, as far as I knew. Still, the thought stayed at the front of my mind.

Well, I’d come this far, I might as well go all the way. I shut my eyes and tried to do what I could. I wasn’t sure what exactly what I was doing, but I was determined. After a moment, I felt something. I knew what it was now. I could feel the darkness. As far as I was concerned, the darkness was as much an entity as myself.

Now that I understood that, I now understood what I had felt when it all started. I could feel the darkness of demons, the dark entity that made their bodies. That meant, I realized to my horror, that Sharon was a demon.

I let go of the darkness and sat down heavily. Sharon, a demon? It couldn’t be. How could this happen to her? As I contemplated this, tears had begun to slide down my cheek. I was torn. I desperately wanted to find Sharon, to tell her what was happening, to save her; but I knew that going anywhere where Sharon was would put my life in danger, likely both our lives. I was now hunted; by two sides if the man was telling the truth, and I had to protect myself and figure things out if I was going to be able to help anyone.

Trying vainly to hold back tears, I stood up and searched my memory for the darkest place near my apartment. There were things I needed to pick up, and needed to do. I wondered briefly if I could actually control my power, if I even knew how. Well, I knew I was about to learn.

Then I had it. Underneath the stairs into the basement of my apartment building. Yeah, that would work. Taking a deep breath to calm my nerves, I closed my eyes. I wanted to be under the stairs.

Actually willing it to happen was a lot different than doing it out of reflex. This time, I was conscious of what was happening. My body felt as though it was fading, and soon I no longer had a physical form. I was darkness. Once my transformation was complete, I became one with the darkness surrounding me.

It was like I had entered another world, except it was nothing. I felt like I was almost everywhere at once, and at the same time I was nowhere, I did not exist. There, in that darkness, I could feel the other world, the world of darkness, but I did not know how to get there. I didn’t want to though, not yet.

This all happened in an instant, and I was under the stairs, separated from the overall darkness. Quickly, I regained my physical form, and took a deep breath. It was good to actually have a body again, no matter how brief the experience had been. I looked around before stepping out from under the stairs. No one was there. Likely they were either still in their rooms or off doing whatever it was they did during the day.

Walking up the stairs, I made my way to my room on the second floor. If I was going to be on the run, I needed more than I had on me. And to think, only a few hours ago or so I was a college student; and only a few days ago I was just an ordinary college student. A prime example of why I have little faith in plans.

For a moment, I thought about checking my mail, since I hadn’t bothered when I left. But then I realized, why bother now? However, mail gave me an idea. Maybe I’d send off an e-mail to my parents before I suddenly disappeared. Give them some kind of assurance, even if a possibly false one. They cared so much. It was likely going to be a long time before I saw them again.

I unlocked the deadbolt of my apartment. With any luck, either the demons hadn’t reached here yet or thought I wouldn’t come back thinking they were there. I hadn’t had much luck, and I was definably overdue. But then again, life’s not fair.

Taking a moment before I opened the door, I “felt” inside the apartment. There were no demons in there. That was a good sign. I opened the door.

Sitting on my futon was a guy in a tight, dark red shirt and tight fitting jeans. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

I froze. That’s the best way to put it. I simply froze. I hadn’t felt him, yet here he was. How did he do that?

“You don’t know who I am, do you?”

I couldn’t remember the last time I heard such an obvious question. I couldn’t disappear, not with so much light, I didn’t know how to use my power to fight, and I knew I wouldn’t win in a straight fight. I stood there, still, and waited to see what he would do.

“Don’t worry Alex, I’m not here to do you harm. Unless you intend to do me harm.”

Hearing his voice, there was a quality about it that was odd. It wasn’t like the voice of the demon man, but it still had a strange quality to it that made him seem… different. Was he of the other group that wanted to kill me?

“I’ll tell it to you straight. My superiors want me to kill you, but I don’t want to kill you. You are not who they think you are. They go merely by prejudice. I’ve watched you, as they told me to, and I have a good idea as to who you are. Please, come in and lock the door, I am unarmed.”

Though I didn’t trust him, I walked in anyway. If he wanted to kill me, he likely would have already done that. “Who are you?”

“My name is Derrick Parler, and I’m a lot like you.”

“I doubt that” I said sarcastically. After all, weren’t black dragons rare? Then I realized I probably shouldn’t have said that. Real bright Alex.

“True, but not as much as you may think. Your blood isn’t red, is it?”

It seemed my attempts to keep a low profile after discovering that fact had been pretty useless. Everyone I would have wanted to keep it from apparently already knew.

“I thought as much” he continued when I remained silent. “I wish to offer you protection. Once you realize your potential, I’m sure you can take care off yourself, but until then, you are vulnerable. As long as you are vulnerable, you are a threat to us, and others. That is part of the reason my superiors are afraid. They know your power, or at least your potential. What I offer is an alliance, for as long as it takes you to learn.”

The offer sounded too good to be true, but at the moment I didn’t have many options, and at least this one had an appeal to it. It seemed like the word “option” had been taken out of the dictionary for me for the time being.

“And if I said no?” I asked, curious as to how he would react, not yet willing to flatly say no just yet.

“Then I shall continue to follow you. If you become an active threat to us and others, I will kill you then. If you become strong enough to resist the demons, I shall leave you alone to follow your own path.”

For some reason, this felt like an exception to the “If it’s too good to be true” rule. Everything he said seemed to have sincerity to it, especially the threat of death he said so calmly.

“And if I say yes?”

“I will help you in any way I can.”

Maybe it was the way he said it, maybe it was the fact that he wasn’t making outrageous promises, but I got the feeling that he was telling the truth. And if there was one thing I needed, it was help. As much as I wanted to do things myself, I knew when I needed help, and I wasn’t afraid to ask for it; or take it when honestly offered, which was what I felt about Derrick. It was a risk I felt willing to take.

“Okay, I’ll go with you. There are just a few things I want to pick up here.”

“Of course. It will be a while before you can safely return. Just don’t waste space packing clothes. I’ll make sure they’re provided. And don’t bother with the Playstation, though you can take the games.”

Nodding, I packed in a few games, grabbed a couple books, my money (despite his assurance that I wouldn’t need it), and a few DVD’s. At my computer, I put all my important files on a flash drive then packed it and a few computer games.

When I got on the web, he asked sternly “What are doing?”

“I’m sending an e-mail to my parents” I replied shortly. I didn’t care what he said, that I would do.

“All right” was all he said however.

I kept the email short and sweet, as I did anything I wrote. All of it was partial truths and misleading statements, but there was no reason to make them worry any more. I told them I was fine, something came up, and I'd be gone for a while. At the end, I all but begged them to tell no one of the email, and not to worry, though I knew they would. I hoped they'd understand.

Once set, I adjusted my backpack and took a quick look around to make sure I hadn’t missed anything. I turned to Derrick and asked, “So, what now?”

“Are you all set?”

“As set as I’ll ever be I guess.”

“Then we can go.”

I followed him out, assuming he had some mode of transportation. Sure enough, he had it parked in my spot behind the apartment; a bright red Toyota Camry. Personally, I had thought he’d drive a better car. Then again, why would he? In the end, it didn’t matter. I got in the passenger side as he climbed in.

“This is going to be a long ride” he said. “Just a heads up.”

“Sure. I think I’ll get some sleep.”

“That might not be a bad idea.”

As we pulled out, I shut my eyes, but not to sleep. Instead, I tried to see if I could find Sharon. If I could feel the darkness that was her when I was near, maybe I could find it if I looked for it. I reached out with my mind and felt the darkness as far as I could. There were a few dark areas I could feel, but no demons. Meaning no Sharon. I let out a sigh. It was worth a shot.

“Is something bothering you?” Derrick asked, though I barely heard him.

“It’s been a long day.” That was putting it lightly.

He smiled at me. “I understand.”

No, you don’t I thought, but remained silent. Well, maybe a glimpse, but he could not honestly say he could understand. Not what I was going through. Unable to find Sharon, I closed my eyes again, this time for sleep. I was out in a flash.

Areoman, when does he talk to himself? He thinks to himself, and makes the occasional comment to the reader, but as far as I can remember he doesn't actually talk to himself. But I'll look into that. As to the library scene, I gotta agree with you on that. I've extended that scene a bit in the revised version.

Yeah, I think the dream sequence is permanently out. It just doesn't work. It doesn't serve the purpose I hoped it would, and with where I'm taking the story it really serves no purpose. That's writing for ya. Thanks for all the feedback everyone, it's really helped.


Chapter 4


All right, things had already gotten out of hand. Now they felt like they were on the other side of the country. And I had a feeling that they weren’t going to stop there. I was going to need to get a clue and get one soon. You think you’ve “been in the dark” before? Trust me, you have no idea. Not even close.

After the rather bizarre meeting with Sharon, I didn’t know what else to do but go back to my apartment. What else was there to do? I had no idea. To think of how clueless I was back then, it’s almost depressing.

Instead of entering my room though, I went to the basement and got my bike out. It was still annoying to get it up the steps, but I managed. I thought that maybe some exercise might help relieve some of the tension, in both body and mind. I just didn’t want to stay in one place and think.

So I was off, biking around town. The college was near the center of downtown, so the route wasn’t exactly scenic. It was still better than sitting around doing nothing though. My homework could wait for the meantime.

I’d been out for about an hour or so, and I was starting to feel the ride. I wasn’t really all that exhausted, but even in shape you start to feel your workout eventually. For me, it was then. Going up hills didn’t help much either.

I looked over my shoulder, another odd habit of mine I’ve noted, and noticed a police car behind me. I’d been seeing that same car on and off for a while now, and I was sure it was the same car. That weird feeling, which was beginning to feel natural to me, seemed to be coming from the car. I hadn’t had any good things come from that feeling, so I started making my way home at a quicker pace. This time, the car actually followed me.

Not good. Come on clue, you can show up any time. I couldn’t cross at the next intersection so I started to turn right on the block, but stopped when I saw two cops walking shoulder to shoulder from that direction. I got the same feeling from them that I did the car. The car pulled up next to me and rolled the passenger side window down.

“Mr. Tarrel, would you please get in the vehicle?” the man inside asked. He was in his middle years, just really showing his age. Though his voice was like the one that had called the day before, it wasn’t the same one.

Somehow, I doubted I would have had an easy time getting past the other two guys, and it wasn’t like I was going to evade a cop car. If they wanted to talk to me, they likely weren’t going to leave something to chance. Seeing as how they were cops, they were likely also armed and last I checked I wasn’t bullet-proof. I wasn’t in the mood to test that. Reviewing my options, which were few and hardly options one way or the other, I dismounted my bike and got into the car. All right, go with the flow and maybe I’ll end up in one piece. That’s what I hoped at least.

As I got in, I noticed that the rear section of the car was enclosed, so I couldn’t see the driver. I also noticed that all the windows were tinted and I couldn’t see out. That seemed unusual for a police car, as far as I knew. The driver said nothing. There was no way I was going to start the conversation, so the car remained quiet. Well, except for the inevitable noises you hear riding in a car. I could almost understand what the feeling was telling me, but I still couldn’t piece it together. All I knew was that I didn’t like it.

We finally stopped after quite a long ride. I hadn’t looked at my watch in a while, but I didn’t even bother checking it then. I knew a good bit of time had passed. He got out of the car; I got out of the car. We were in some kind of building.

“Please, Alex, follow me.”

Unable to think of what else I could do, I followed the guy. I really didn’t want to get shot in the back. The weird feeling was stronger than ever, which made me even more uncomfortable. Whatever actually caused the feeling, there was a lot of it nearby. I took a quick look around to orient myself. The place was pretty plain, like perhaps an old warehouse or something, except that it looked new or at least unused.

He was leading me to a door, and that’s when I realized something. It was pitch black in this place. Yet, I could see just fine. I could tell there was hardly a ray of light coming in from anywhere, and still I could see. It wasn’t like normal sight though; there was an odd look to everything. Most likely because there wasn’t a single bit of reflected light like I was used to.

When he opened the door, the room beyond looked even darker. Darker than pitch black. Believe me, it’s something that you’d have to experience to understand, though I doubt you’d willingly want to experience it.

He gestured me inside, and I went in. It’s not that I trusted him or anything, it’s that I didn’t think I really had much of a choice. The only other choice would have been running, and like I said, I didn’t think I’d get all that far. So in I went, into the blackness. Maybe, just maybe, I’d find out just what was going on. And hopefully make it out in one piece with that information.

The door was closed behind me, and at first I couldn’t see anything in this section of the building. As far as I could tell, it was completely empty. Then, things began to materialize. Creatures with night black bodies formed and filled the entire room. Some looked like dogs, some bears, some werewolves, and others in forms I’d rather not describe to you. All their eyes seemed to glow dimly from within and ranged from green to red. I didn’t even need my sense screaming at me to know what these beings were: demons.

This, isn’t, good. I thought. Running was completely out of the question at that point.

The last to materialize actually took human form, with the right colors and everything. He was garbed in black, and I couldn’t really tell more than that except that I was sure he wasn’t wearing some kind of robe. But, seeing as he materialized like the rest, there was no way he was human.

“My dear Alex, how nice of you to join us.”

That was one voice that I would never forget. It was the voice that had called me on my cell phone. I said nothing; I didn’t know what to say. I just stood there staring at him and all the demons that stood nearly motionless around us both.

“Ah, Alex, you truly do not yet understand, do you?” he began, his voice even more chilling than it had been over the phone. “As much as I’d rather you find out on your own, you need to know now. As I have said, your life is in grave danger. Or, was, as you are now safe with us.”

Safe wasn’t exactly the way I was feeling, but I didn’t comment. This guy, no matter what he was, knew things that I wanted to know. So I stood there, silent, listening.

“As you no doubt have surmised, those around us are demons. Not from hell, of course, but demons all the same. Hell is only an imaginary place. Some day, you will visit our home. And that day may not be too long in coming.”

“Why is my life in danger?” I felt compelled to ask. If I could get it, I wanted the whole story. I didn’t like where he was leading the conversation. Or at least where his monologue was going.

“There are those who want you dead, for what you have become. But we, we understand who and what you are, and we want you to live and thrive. You have great power Alex, far more than you’ve ever dreamed. I’m sure you’ve already discovered some yourself.”

“And just who’s trying to kill me?”

A look of anger flashed across his face before he smiled broadly. “That, Alex, is not important at the moment. What is important is for you to learn your power.”

“And what makes you think that I have so much power?”

“Because” he started, in a tone that again sent a chill down my spine, “I can see what you are. It is a useful ability of mine. You, my dear Alex, are a black dragon.”

That sent my mind into overdrive. A black dragon? But I could hardly simply dismiss it, being surrounded by demons. But was he really telling the truth?

“A dragon of darkness. You are a rare breed Alex, for a black dragon is rarely born. We had not hoped to see a black dragon for a millennium at best.”

“How long have you been waiting?” I said, pushing most of my thoughts to the back of my mind. I’d deal with them later. If I had a later.

“Not as long as you may think. A few months in fact. That’s why I was so surprised to find you.”

A few months? That was when the bug had started. Then they were connected after all. Which meant that there were a lot more demons out there.

But then I realized, I had the sickness, but I hadn’t become a demon. I’d become a black dragon. Did the sickness leave multiple reactions?

The man’s speech pulled me back from my thoughts. “With you, once you are properly trained, we can finally complete our task, and far sooner than any of us had imagined. In time, no one will be able to stop you. We will rule the world, and make it our own.”

That did it for me. I wanted no part of taking over the world, and likely destroying it in the process. I knew that they would kill everyone and everything that did not agree with them. They would eradicate the world and make it their own. I just had to figure out how to get out.

“So, Alex, are you with us?”

So much for planning. Time was up, and I saw only one option. “No.”

The man looked confused, then annoyed. “Alex, you have no choice in the matter. You will be killed if we can not protect you.”

“I’ll take my chances” I replied. I was beginning to surprise myself. Where did that come from?

He let out a sigh. “It seems you are set in your ways. But they can be changed.”

The demons began to slowly advance, having already encircled me earlier when they appeared. “Do what you will with him, but don’t kill him. He needs to be convinced to join us.” I could hear the sarcasm at the word “convinced”, but the grim smile said far more. I didn’t know what they would do to me, but torture was probably the gentle word for it.

I shut my eyes and prepared for the worst. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what demons could do to me. They took their time, and I could hear them slowly approach. My heart was racing, pumping the grey blood through my veins. My life was over, but not in death. Death would have been favorable compared to what I knew must be coming. I wanted to be anywhere else but there.

I - personally - feel the pace is fine, and I'm enjoying the way in which the mystery is slowing being revelaed to us.

At times, however, it feels as though it might be a bit predictable (although, as we haven't finished the story, I can't really say if it is or isn't). For example, the girl's voice in the dream sequence: the idea jumps to mind is that it's Sharon. I don't know if it is, but that's the obvious answer that springs to mind, and so I was supprised that Alex didn't even consider that.

Personally, if I were you, I'd leave the dream sequence out. It's a nice scene, but isn't really needed (once again, as far as I can tell from what you've posted so far).

I like Alex's voice and the reading of this certainly flows well. And, at the end of each chapter, I want to read the next one - so Im looking forwards to Chapter 4 .

Personally, I enjoyed the dream sequence. However, if you feel the story has moved away from that and the dream sequence would only go to distract from the storyline, that's fine. My only suggestion would be that in light of the casual writing style, just be careful that you do not become casual to the extent that it becomes shoddy. Cheers,

Cameron

Mmm...You know, I liked it a lot! It drew me in from the beginning because of how vivid the narrator's voice is. You really help us to know him. The only thing I wonder is that, is he kind of a paranoia-freak? Because he talks a lot to himself, over and over again, lol. I figured it was a trait of his.

But to answer your question about pace, in the beginning it moves very quickly, I really liked that. But the rest is moving kind of slow, its like you've cocked and loaded the gun, but are waiting for ever to fire. Its starting to drag a bit.

Another thing I noticed was that the library scene was very short-lived. I was expecting something more to happen with Sharon, I mean she came for like two minutes and then left. Bam! Thats it? I was hoping for more.

Overall I like it a lot, I didn't really read it through for grammar because you seem like you can do that on your own. But it is starting to slow down and drag on, so try to fix that. Keep up the great work!

-Aero

A little note: I've combined chapters 2 and 3, and taken out the dream sequence at the end of what was chapter 3. If you liked that scene, let me know and I'll consider putting it back in there. So, on with what is now chapter 3. I'll post my edited versions in a while.


Chapter 3


Morning came as it always did, illuminating my room a bit through the blinds. Though I didn’t want to go to sleep, I didn’t want to get up either. To say the least, I wasn’t exactly awake. I doubted that I got any more than two hours of sleep that night. But, after an hour or two more, I eventually got up and onto my feet. Nothing was going to happen if I stayed there, and I needed to get moving. I made myself some breakfast, two waffles straight from the toaster, in the vain hopes it would help wake me up. Coffee wasn’t exactly an option, since I never drink it, so it wasn’t in my apartment.

While I didn’t exactly wake up, I at least became more coherent. Coherency allowed me to think, and to remember. Soon, very soon, you will understand. The line came to the front of my mind in an instant. How soon was soon? Today? A week later? The “very soon” part had me worried. Just what was about to happen that would make me understand. Just what was going on? But, for the time being, I knew there was little I could do about it, so I decided to go about the day as I usually did. Funny how I could do anything normal when my life seemed to have become anything but.

After browsing the internet for a bit, playing some video games, and working on my homework, I looked at my clock and saw that it was 12:30. I still had three and a half hours until I went to meet Sharon. Normally that wouldn’t bother me, but with what had happened over the last two days, it was getting to me. Okay, maybe I’ll just try to take my mind off of things for a while. Booting up my PS2, I started playing again.

That was the longest streak I’d been on that thing in a while, and even I can only play for so long. I turned it off, leaned back on my futon and looked around. What do I do now? I thought. Homework? Yeah, right. Internet? Already did that. The dishes? Tempting, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. The radio also didn’t really seem all that appealing.

Shaking my head, I grabbed my cell phone, my sunglasses, my backpack, my wallet, and my watch. I just couldn’t take it in my apartment anymore. I’d just wait for Sharon at the library. Maybe I’d do some reading while I waited. Locking the deadbolt on my way out, I walked down the stairs to the front door and was on my way.

It was a pretty good size library. Three stories, technically, made almost completely of white marble and architecture that just seemed to say library. I don’t know why, but even though they all look different, all libraries seem to have a similar feel to them. That’s probably intentional.

Anyway, I walked into the library as I usually do, randomly looking around as I always found myself doing. I don’t know why, but I always felt comfortable there. The feeling even managed to get through all the stuff that had been piling on me recently. It didn’t get rid of it, but I still felt that peaceful feeling, and that’s saying a lot.

I started browsing the fiction section, as I usually do, and found that the book I’d been waiting for hadn’t gotten back yet. I’d figured as much, but you never know. And, as I also usually found myself doing, I migrated to the young adult fiction section. Sure, I was nineteen, but most of those books can be enjoyed by anyone with reading skill. That, and they weren’t too heavy with life lessons. They’re far more subliminal than standard fiction in my opinion. That’s fine by me.

Looking down at my watch, which was a weird habit of mine, I found that it was only around 1:30 or so. Another two and a half hours. My gaze fell back at the books. I knew I couldn’t simply stare at them for that time, but I didn’t know what else to do. Maybe I could start to read one of them.

Eventually, a book caught my eye. I’d pulled a few off the shelf already, and I’d read the descriptions in the jacket, but I decided to give this one a chance as well. It was titled Shadow Moon. I actually own that book now, as it holds a good story, and memories. The summary on the inside of the jacket sounded interesting, so I sat down at one of the chairs they have by the young adult books and opened up to the first page.

For what time I had, it was quite a good read. It was the story of a young man who had been turned into a werewolf, but kept his sanity. Hunted by everyone for what he was, he ran, doing what he could to help others when he could. I had just gotten to the part where forces of shadow were trying to temp him to their side when a voice interrupted me.

“Alex?”

My head snapped up, startled, to look Sharon in the eye. She still seemed to have that darkness around her, but I was so glad to see her. For the first time in two and a half days, I smiled.

“Oh, Sharon, I didn’t hear you get here. How are you?”

She smiled back at me, but not with the same brightness I was used to seeing from her. “As far as I can tell, I think I’m getting over that bug.” She looked down at the book. “Found something to read?”

I looked down at it, then put a bookmark I saw nearby between the pages and closed it. “Yeah, I was starting to get bored in my apartment. So, I decided to get here early and find something to read.”

“Is it a good book? Looks like you’ve gotten pretty far.”

“Yeah, I like it so far.”

We were silent for a bit, knowing we were both avoiding what we came there to talk about.

“So” I managed to finally say, “Are you okay?”

She looked down, like she couldn’t look me in the eye. I sat there, giving her space and time. Whatever had happened had hurt her deeply. It hurt me to see her like that again.

“I don’t know” she finally managed to softly say. “I really don’t know.” Then she looked me in the eye, and I could see the question in her eyes before she even moved her mouth to say it. “What about you?”

“I’m not sure either. I’ve been feeling all right, I guess, but there just seems to be something, different. Maybe it’s just a continuation of that bug. Maybe it’s just not over yet.”

“Maybe.” There was such a lack of conviction in her voice. Did she know something I didn’t? Was I the only one in the dark?

“I’m sorry, I have to go” she said suddenly and turned around to leave.

“Wait” I said as I grabbed her wrist. I didn’t want her to go, not yet.

She turned around to face me, fear evident on every feature of her face. It took a moment for me to realize where the fear came from. As I held her wrist, I felt only her skin. I held on a moment longer. I could feel her, but I could not feel a pulse. She had no pulse. I looked into her eyes once more, her fear mirrored on my face as my own.

“Sharon?” My voice, to my surprise, was a bit shaky.

The fear on her face was now mixed with sadness. “Please” she simply said, tears beginning to form in her eyes.

I let go of her then, and watched her walk away. I watched until I couldn’t see her anymore, then I listened until her footsteps died away.

Even now, I don’t know how long I sat there. I was all but numb. What had happened to Sharon? What was happening to me? What was happening period? I had been asking those questions, and others like them it seemed, for a while now. I wanted answers, any kind of answers, just as long as the questions were answered. Turning my head towards the large windows that replaced the wall in that corner of the library, I let my tears roll, as I was sure Sharon was doing. I couldn’t remember the last time I cried, and right then, I didn’t care.


I still feel that the pace of the overall story may be a bit slow, but I'm not sure how to spped it up. Let me know if you agree or disagree, because I've been debating with myself for a bit now.

Thank you Myth, for the critiques and being a solid supporter of my work. I shall get to critiqueing "Oracle's Possesion", at least the first part tomorrow. My little way of saying thanks.

As to the voices, they are not all simultaniously speaking. It's more like only two conversations at once. One set of voices having one conversation, and the other having another. So it's not quite as bad as it may first sound. Guess I should make that clearer in the revision. As to emotions, that's not a bad idea.

I also agree with you on chapters. Short chapters may not work for this peice. Don't worry, things will pick up shortly, just one more thing need to happen first. I'll post the next chapter in a week or so to catch up on critiqueing, as I'm falling behind on the polite 2 to 1 ratio. Antway, thanks for the help.

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Black = Review

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I was used to being alone. I lived alone in my apartment, I never had all that many friends, and I’ve never been bothered by being by myself before.

Sitting on my futon, the man’s words came back to me. I was different in a way that no one else was. What does he know about me?

Then I understood the first words of that dark, cold language, “Help me.”

She was sad, lost, and frightened in more ways than she thought possible. What's happening to me? What’s going on?

A little note: These chapters are intentionally short, so you're not likely to get a great deal of information per chapter. Basically, he's telling you what he knew when, which early on, as you've read, isn't much. If you feel as though it's dragging instead of leading however, please let me know.

Chapter 3


Understandably, that call put me on edge. There was something not right about that voice, something that got to me. I didn’t trust that voice at all. Whoever it was seemed to know about me, more than I knew. Maybe he was bluffing. Still, I doubted that. That laughing was possibly the closest thing to evil I had ever heard. Now what?

Right then, paranoia was far too weak a word to describe what I was feeling. Too many things were happening at once, too many things that were far beyond my control. Oddly enough, I felt very alone.

I was used to being alone. I lived alone in my apartment, I never had all that many friends, and I’ve never been bothered by being by myself before. Now though, it felt different. It wasn’t simply that I was by myself; it felt now like something was missing. Like there was a hole inside of me. I don’t really know how else to put it. I’m sure some of you know what I mean, and can understand what I’m saying. For a time, it felt as though I wasn’t whole, and that the rest of the world no longer existed.

That’s when I remembered Sharon. Did she get that call? Well, I wouldn’t bring it up if she didn’t. I just wanted to talk to someone and wanted to know if she was all right.

I hit the speed dial and waited for her to pick up as I sat down on my futon. It was several rings before she picked up.

“Hello?” Her voice seemed awfully shaky.

“Hey Sharon, it’s me, Alex. How you doing?”

“Okay, I guess. What about you?”

“Not as well as I’d like, but I’m all right. By the way, I saw you down on campus. Is something wrong?”

“Oh, I … just haven’t been feeling all that well recently. I got that bug that’s been going around here these past few weeks. I don’t think I’ve gotten over it yet.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. I just got over it myself a few days ago. Nasty little thing isn’t it?”

“You have no idea.” She sounded so sad when she said that.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, nothing, nothing” she said hurriedly. “I’m, just rambling. It’s nothing, really.”

I didn’t believe a word she said. “Sharon, is everything all right? Please, tell me.”

“I’m all right Alex, really. Um, you want to maybe hang out together sometime? Maybe tomorrow, after classes?”

“Sure. Around four, at the library?”

“That sounds good. I’ll see you then. Bye.” She hung up before I could even say goodbye.

That wasn’t like Sharon. Not like her at all. I was worried about her. She sounded, scared, in a way. It was only the second time I’d heard her like that, but this time was worse. Well, at least this time she wanted to talk, even if not over the phone. That was at least a good sign.

Sitting on my futon, the man’s words came back to me. I was different in a way that no one else was. What does he know about me? What is it about me? What’s changed? I looked down at my hand, where I could still see the cut. Was there more to this than just my blood changing color? Was that weird feeling somehow connected to this? And the illness?

If the illness was the cause that meant Sharon had changed like me. Or was it simply a coincidence? The illness had been going around for a while and as far as I’d heard, there was no crisis of people mutating. Maybe it was a coincidence. Somewhere deep down, I doubted that though, and the thought put me even more on edge. Why I hadn’t simply fallen off the cliff of sanity already, I’m still not sure. One of the mysteries of the universe.

That night, things got really weird. I’m not sure if I ever truly got to sleep that night. Maybe I did. Still, it was anything but restful. For much of the entire night, I heard voices. And no, I wasn’t crazy. Though I thought I just might have been at the time.

There were two sets of voices I heard. One set reminded me of the man on the phone. There were several of them, speaking in a language I had never heard. Something in the back of my mind told me that I should know it, should understand it, but at the time I didn’t. I can still remember some of what was said, and can translate it now. Not that it really matters now though.

The other voices were, well, not exactly comforting, but certainly nicer to listen to. They were closer to human voices, though they too spoke in a language I could not understand at the time. It was these voices that I tried to listen to, tried to understand. In a strange way, there was something familiar about both voices. A lot of strange things were going in those first few days.

Then, one voice caught my attention, and I tried to focus on that one, ignoring the rest. I knew the voice somehow. For a brief moment, I thought I knew who it was. Almost, I saw the speaker in my mind. I could feel it, no, her I realized, that she realized that I was listening. I could feel her. Then I understood the first words of that dark, cold language, “Help me.”

My eyes shot wide open to see the ceiling of my darkened room. Her words repeated themselves in my mind, a lonely echo; “Help me.” I knew her, I knew that I knew her, but I could not figure out who it was. Why was she so familiar? Had I seen her before? Was it from a past life or something? The sadness that resonated from the voice had struck me. She was sad, lost, and frightened in more ways than she thought possible. What's happening to me? What’s going on?

I stayed there, lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, for the rest of the night. I couldn’t go back to sleep. I wouldn’t go back to sleep. Yet I found myself saying in my mind, don’t worry, I will.

Looking at it closer, since I couldn't help but stare at it, I noticed that it wasn't truly black. It was more of a dark grey. That was so much better.

Maybe this was just some weird medical condition that was already known, just not widely, like that thing they call 'werewolf syndrome', whatever its scientific name was, or how some people cant be exposed to sunlight.

However, with everything that had already happened, I was not above superstition. I had accepted superstition a while ago.

Chapter 2


My blood was black. Snapping out of my numbness, I covered the finger so I wouldn’t bleed on anything. Why in the hell was my blood black? Last I’d seen it was red just like everyone else’s. When did it become black, and how? Looking at it closer, since I couldn’t help but stare at it, I noticed that it wasn’t truly black. It was more of a dark grey. That was so much better.

Eventually, it stopped bleeding, and I washed off the blood in the kitchen sink. My mind was racing with more questions then I could even comprehend at one time. I sat down and tried to calm myself to think. If there was one thing I hated more than blind incompetence, it was meaningless panicking. Sure, I may have had a reason to panic right then, and I doubt many people would have blamed me, but I knew that panicking would do me no good.

The first question that managed to form into words in my mind as it calmed was if I should see a doctor. That one I dismissed nearly the instant it entered my mind. There was no way I was going to the hospital. I wasn’t about to become some TV medical mystery. Heck, the idea that the government might become interested in me entered my mind. After all, my blood was grey all of a sudden. No, I wasn’t about to go to the hospital unless I thought I was going to die. And at the moment, I actually felt fine.

Answering that question answered several similar questions that followed, and actually managed to answer the question of “what do I do now?” That answer, to both my surprise and not to my surprise, was to do nothing. I would go about my life as I was, and do a little research where I could. Maybe this was just some weird medical condition that was already known, just not widely, like that thing they call “werewolf syndrome”, whatever its scientific name was, or how some people cant be exposed to sunlight. For now, I was fine, so I would wait.

When I got to campus the next day, things were a little weird. Basically, I kept getting these strange feelings throughout the day. That’s the best I could explain them at the time. It was almost like a sixth sense kind of thing, except I didn’t see dead people.

Every now and then, when I passed someone, it was like I could feel them. Not feel as is touch, but like I could feel their presence, apart from everyone else nearby. When it really hit me though, was when my friend Sharon walked by. She was tall, slim without being skinny, with long brown hair. It seemed darker that day. Actually, she seemed darker all over, like she was in a bit of shadow. Except there was no shadow. She kept her head down as she walked past, and it was then that I distinctly got that weird feeling. That’s when I got a sense of what the feeling was. There was something, different, about Sharon.

What was different, I had no idea. I knew something was wrong by the way she kept her head down, but that sense made me worried. Had something happened to her? Was she all right? Was she like me? The last struck me as a real possibility. However, I didn’t know how to broach the subject, so I didn’t go chasing after her. I thought that I would likely call her at the end of the day, see if anything was bothering her. If she and I were going through the same thing, maybe we could help each other, somehow.

When my classes were over I started walking back to my apartment. It was only about a five minute walk or so, so taking my bike wouldn’t have served much of a purpose. On the way, I got the feeling that I was being watched. It wasn’t like the feeling I got from Sharon, it was just that feeling that people get that’s usually paranoia. However, with everything that had already happened, I was not above superstition. I had accepted superstition a while ago.

I tried to keep an even pace; trying to act as though nothing was off, like it was any other day. The feeling stayed, and after a few more steps it was like there was more than one watcher. Feeling like your being watched by someone is bad enough, but being watched my multiple someone’s? That put me over the edge. I quickened my pace a bit. Maybe I’d get back to my apartment in four minutes.

Finally getting into my room, I shut the door and instantly turned the deadbolt. The feeling of being watched faded, even with the huge window that dominated one wall of my little apartment. I let out a small sigh of relief.

My cell phone went off and I nearly jumped to the ceiling. I had never been so high strung. I looked for the number on the screen, but there was no number. I flipped it open to answer. “Hello?”

“You are Alex Terral, correct?” came a cold sounding voice. It sent a shiver up my spine, and caused that weird feeling to return.

“Who is this?” I asked, trying to sound casual. I doubted I succeeded at all.

“Who I am is not important at the moment. What matters is that your life is in danger.”

“And I’m supposed to believe you why?” For some reason, I just knew that it wasn’t a prank call. There was something about the voice that simply wasn’t right.

“Oh, surely you should realize that by now. I didn’t take you for a fool. Not many fools reach college. Let me say, that you are different in ways that you don’t think others are, correct?”

He hit that one dead on, but it could have been coincidence. “I don’t know what you mean by that. Now who are you?” I asked, letting a little anger into my voice.

Whoever it was on the line laughed. That sound gave me the most vivid feeling I had had yet. There was something seriously wrong with whoever it was, and I wanted no part of it.

“My young, naïve, ignorant Alex. You do not understand, do you? Do not worry, it will become clear soon. And soon, you and I will become the closest of friends.” Another laugh followed that remark. “Soon, very soon, you will understand.” And the line went out. He had hung up.

I'm getting weird symbols whenver there's supposed to be apostrophes. It's making it almost impossible to read.

For the most part I enjoyed it, although it gets rather redundant when he keeps telling us that he's different than everyone else. I heard him tell me that same thing about five different times.

You should definitely continue. I'm curious to know why the blood is black, why Alex is sick and what he is changing into (suggestion from subtitle).

I don't see many fantasy pieces with first-person narration but you've pulled it off and get Alex to be more realistic.

Heh, Sureal, thanks for bringing that up. There should be emphasis there.

Thanks for the crit Imp! You brought out several goods points I somehow managed to miss.

About the opening, what I was trying to do is start off like he's telling you the story after it's all finished, slowly transitioning to sound more present tense. Basically, Alex is telling you his story now that it's over. Looking at a mirror sounds more like he's telling you what's going on as it's happening.

The "I know, I know" remark is basically there to anticipate the reader's most likely reaction, since he has a pretty good idea as to what it would be.

As to the doctor bit, I agree that I might need to put a little explantion to that, now that you mention it.

Agree with the preparing diner scene as well. Now that you've mentioned it and I've reread it, it seems to go by too fast, and I need to make each action (cutting chicken, cutting finger) seperate. That and making it more conversational would make it sound better.

WOOHOO!!! I made a decent opener! That's always one of the hardest parts for me. I'm glad you liked it.

Things will make more sense as the book goes on. So, if you're still curious, I'll have chapter two up in a few days or so. You know, to let other people see chapter one first and so I can critique others in the meantime. Thanks again for the helpful critique.

Conversational prose is always apt for getting close and quickly to a character's thoughts and voice. For the most part, you've got it - Alex sounds like what he...is. ^_~ Or at least, what he is superficially and so far.

I’ve got short straight black hair, which is very appropriate considering what I am, but I’ll get to that in a bit. I’m clean shaven, I’ve got what I’ve been told is a narrower head than most, I’m in pretty good shape, and everything else is pretty average, to my way of looking. Yep, by looking at me you’d never know there was anything about me other than being a typical young American man. How wrong you’d be.

I know, I know, everyone’s unique and everyone’s special, but not like me. “Well what makes you so special?” I know you must be asking.

Speaking of which, I believe it’s time to get back to it.

As time went on, and I stubbornly refused to see a doctor,

I was cutting up some chicken for dinner, trying to be creative with what little cooking knowledge I had, when somehow I managed to cut my finger as well as the chicken.

“Son of a…” I said, pissed off at myself that I’d done something so stupid. I couldn’t believe that I actually cut myself. Ripping off a piece of paper towel, I went to cover my finger to stop the bleeding. It was likely nothing serious.

“Son of a…” Jerking away from the counter, I ripped [ Ripping off a piece of paper towel a piece of paper towel to cover my finger to stop the bleeding. It was likely nothing serious. [ More informal, maybe? 'it probably wasn't serious/couldn't be bad' ]

My mind just stopped working altogether for a moment, because what I saw on my hand was not red. It was black. The blood that had begun to slowly run down the side of my finger, was black.

Ooh, and intriguing (and well written) beginning. Bravo .

My only suggestion is this:

‘Heck, I’m hardly making sense.’

I think that could maybe do with some sort of emphasise (like italics) on the word “I’m”.